Monday, August 29, 2011

poor poor pitiful me....

today is my pity party. just because. it's been a collection of two terrible days. yes, there were some silver linings, but not many. yesterday was the last class of our Believing God class at church. i had so many bitter sweet feelings upon leaving. the women i had spent the past ten weeks of sundays with, getting to know them better, i felt reluctance to say good-bye to. the best part of this class was learning that i have made a few new connections because of this class and for that i could not be any more grateful. one of them actually contacted me on facebook. that was a welcome surprise to my day which was just crappy.

well, when i would go off to my class at church, my husband stays home with kylee. all that is ever asked of him is to feed her, get her a bath, and get her into bed. sometimes he'll even surprise me and load the dishwasher. oh glory! well, lastnight didn't turn out that way. instead, she was up late, had no bath, and Lord knows how long she was able to stay playing the 64 while
he slept the time away...i get so bitter at my husband. and, starting yesterday, i've just been on this tyrant....i haven't recognized myself for the past 36 hours. what is going on with me?

everything he does irritates me beyond belief. and not because i don't love him, because i do, whole heartedly. i am just having an issue with the fact that he pretty much just eats and sleeps here. I am the one doing the household stuff. I am the one constantly catering to and taking care of kylee. I am the one who is solely responsible for almost everything around here it seems. i am trying not to be ungrateful but apparently i am having one of those days where i am. my husband is a great provider for our family and i completely respect the fact that he slaves his life away to do for us. what i am having a hard time respecting is the constant lack of reciprocity. the laziness. the "whatever" of it all. which, is ironic because i use that phrase constantly.

but it just appears to be that he really does not care about what occurs here in this house because he is not here to have to deal with any of it. *sigh* like, here we go again. we have been through this cycle several times now and frankly scarlett, it's getting old fast....

don't even get my started on today...i know he's tired. so am i. it's just a different kind of tired. like this evening...here comes 8pm...still no movement from the bedroom...really?! THEN kylee tells me she has no pullups....WHAT?! and you couldn't tell me this lastnight so we could get more while we were out today? THEN he comes from the bedroom and says, "it's not her fault, stop it. she told me lastnight." "oh? and YOU couldn't be responsible and tell me either?!"

i brought home the recliner from mom's today. got home around 630. kept asking him to please come and help me bring it inside. nope. then the pullup incident happened. after i got home i just brought it in myself. whatever. just got so ticked off i guess i used that to get it done.

i am quite venomous at times. it's never meant, but i need to realize that i need to recoil and chill out. it took me over an hour to finally calm down enough to the point where i could even look at him without getting angry...

guess i need to just come to the realization that life is gonna suck and i'm gonna bare a lot of crap i don't want to because of the unfairness of it all, but life ain't fair.

after all, Jesus dies on a cross for me. how is that fair?

why do mothers always seem to get the short end of the stick.....